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Which includes irritability and not liking irritability and not liking not liking irritability and so on to infinity. I had an unquestioned, unconscious belief that myself was an object that limited and harmed the real me. Because when I contemplate things, I often get plunged into them directly, experientially, without any protection. I started writing and blogging a few years ago with the intention of shining a light on that suffering, revealing it for what it is. Just for a moment, let all thoughts slip and slide and do whatever they do without following them. So much so that I actually recall instances in which I wished in horror that myself would get cancer and die a painful death. Because I am curious.

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